We may have had a stowaway when we returned from Mombasa. In fact, I hope that we did, provided it was travelling solo. If it came from somewhere else, we could be in trouble, as it may have family that come looking for it. We could be in trouble anyway if it was a female and layed eggs. Of all the creatures that you don't expect to see at the foot of the stairs late on a Sunday evening, why does it haveto be the one thing I have a significant phobia about?? Luckily, The Elf hadn't turned into a quivering mass of jelly, and dealt with the creature using a large heavy book, measuring jug and an electric kettle. That's what it took.
I didn't sleep last night. I was looking for them on the walls and ceilings out of the corner of my eye ( night vision works better that way, rather than looking straight ahead ). Twenty-nine years ago, I was at a tropical boarding school that was infested with them, and when I left I thought I'd finally escaped. Now they've tracked me down again.
Whatever part large ginger cockroaches play in the Earth's ecology, I'd vote for their extinction regardless. I'm not a celebrity, but you may have to get me out of here anyway.
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Once upon a time, in a suburban land far, far away, there lived a mume (pronounced moo-may) and his elf. After a particularly productive weekend catching up with friends, hobbies and chores, the mume and elf decided to relax in front of the TV with a horror movie chosen by the mume. The elf disliked horror movies, they made her queasy and uneasy. But the nasty mume forced her to sit through it, and she chewed her fingernails down to the quick.
Suddenly, the front door burst open. Thunderous footsteps pounded up the hall. A giant cockroach loomed menacingly in the doorway of the lounge.
'Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman.
Bring him alive or bring him dead
I'll grind his bones to make my bread!'
Blood drained from the mume's face as he started to shake from head to toe. A cold sweat trickled down his back. 'Elf, it's coming to get me!' he squeaked. Without a further thought, the mume scuttled behind the curtains and hid himself from the monster roach.
Quick as a flash, the opportunistic elf leapt across the room and changed the video to something of a more hardcore nature. Settling back into the sofa, the elf grinned sardonically and bit the head off another jellybaby.
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